It is amazing how fast I run through emotions now. They are no longer a "place", but more of an observation. I don't get stuck there. They don't own me. I recognize them for the purpose they serve, and if they feed my soul, my heart, then they get to stay. If not, then they are asked to surface, are given a "time frame" to clear & then I move on. They are usually an emotional response to an attachment to grieve & let go of. 

Emotions are a choice. They are energy. Anything other than the vibrational frequency of gratitude or love, is too low a vibration for me to function at for very long. I don't even think I could stay there more than briefly anymore. When I am hit with an emotion, if it is an inopportune time, I acknowledge it and politely ask it to wait until I can come back & allow it to come up & pay it the attention I need to clear it properly. Because I respect it, it acknowledges and tucks itself away. As soon as I am "free" to clear it, it comes up, but in a kind way. I appreciate it, thank it, feel it, & release it.

If I get my "heart hurt" for example, and feel the need to cry... I don't fear it anymore. It can't hurt me. It has a purpose. Without it, I would be shut down. I need the feelings to keep me "grounded". Otherwise I'd be in bliss 24/7. :) The hugest difference is before, I might have cried for hours, days, weeks, months, years (depending on the degree of the trauma), now I cry for a few minutes and it is gone. I am done. It's clear. It is soooo very cool.

On the subject of "letting go", attachments are HUGE for us and we tend to resist letting go of them with everything within our physical being. 

Basically, an attachment is anything, any one, any situation, etc. that we don't want to lose or let go of. And this is an awful lot much of the time.

When we are attached to an outcome (a relationship or situation for example), we need to control things in order to try to get the income we think we want. We want to know how things will end up. Not knowing is unbearable. 

When we are attached to things, anything physical (a material thing, person, a pet), we can't bear losing that thing, that person, that pet. We just don't know how we would survive life without it. We NEED it. Oh no, we may fall apart without that.

Letting go of attachments is a major change and we don't like change (as a species). We get comfortable and we don't want to lose that comfort. We identify ourselves by our attachments. 

There are times that the universe prompts us to "let go" of a certain attachments. WE don't like that prompting, so we ignore it. Sometimes we "listen" to the prompting, and let go, and the door opens for us to have a new opportunity in its place, which can be an even greater "thing" than we had before. But, if we had not let go, we may never have gotten that new, wonderful thing. If we refuse, if we fight, if we put all of our energy into not losing that person/thing that we so desperately just cannot lose, and we lose it anyway, we are just so devastated. We feel destroyed. 

UNTIL, we realize that those are just things. They are just situations. They are not us. Once we come to understand how the universe works, that those things happen for a reason, and fighting it only deepens our despair, then we can learn to let go of that control we so feel we need to have (because technically we have no control at all individually). The more control we fight for, the more we hopefully realize how little control we really had. Things go so much easier when we let go, we go with the flow of the energy of the universe. When we are in a place of perfection, total understanding & trust, when we have come to a place of truth, honesty, integrity, love... then we understand that everything happens exactly as it is supposed to happen. We turn over total control to the universe and we begin to "follow" the leads. We learn to trust in something that is higher, greater, bigger than us all. We come to the place of being one with the universal consciousness and totally getting "it". We no longer need to have control. We gain that by letting go, as we are universal consciousness.

I wish I could just take clients in my shower or bathroom, as that is where I "get the clearest" guidance, info, epiphanies, whatever.... doesn't matter how I get it, as long as I get it! :)

Today has been a flood of information, but more just for me to understand little things that I never really focused on or realized before.... I can never quite remember the perfection of exactly how it came through & writing it later just doesn't do it justice, but I do it anyways, as later it helps me to look back and read. 

So here goes one:

People are constantly running around saying:

• I want this or I want that
  
• I wish I had this or I wish I had that
• I need this or I need that (technically we NEED very little, majority are "wants")

This is applied to people & things.... a relationship, a job, the car fixed, to lose weight, a man or woman with specific characteristics, a friend, a decision, more this/that, and the list goes on & on

But, we actually need very little ... we need on a physical level a roof over our heads & utility bills paid, and very few other things that are necessities. If we quit focusing on all the things we "think" we need, and focus on ourselves, raising our vibrational frequencies, then we are able to "tap" into a higher dimension of understanding and when we get to that point, then we totally understand that we don't need hardly anything at all. In addition, when we are vibrating at that level, we stop with the limitations of specifying what or how we need. We open ourselves up & trust the universe to deliver to us exactly what we are meant to have, for best & highest good. Until we can do that, then everything else is "under our control" and technically we mess it up. Our need to control interferes with the universe's ability to help us. We shut it out. We don't listen. We feel we know best what we need. Technically, we don't need to know. We don't need to know how or why. Just that it is.

When I say "I don't care", people get all freaked out... what? They think I am being non-caring, rude or inconsiderate. So, I don't tend to say it out loud much! :)

But, I really don't care. Not from an uncaring standpoint, but from a place of knowing that those small, tiny things really don't matter. When we "see" things from a much higher view, all those little things don't mean a hill of beans. It is getting to a point of "not-caring" that helped me understand what is truly important and to be able to care on a whole new level. 

Now I care about the universe on a whole and that includes absolutely everything, not just the little things. Now I care more than I ever did before, I just didn't know the difference. Now I truly care about how someone is feeling. Not from a "pity" standpoint, but from a place of love & healing for everyone truly searching for it. Before I "cared" too much, and helped everyone in victim mode because I needed to save. I spent so much time "saving the world" that I really wasn't helping anyone, much less myself. Before, I cared in the most dysfunctional way! :)

Now I care more than the mind can ever comprehend. Now I care because my heart is open and I am not afraid of being hurt. I possess a universal love that no physical world love can ever compare. 

Now I care! :)

It's funny to see others posting daily about love, honor, respect, integrity, and so on & to laugh.... not at them, but at how far I have grown.

I used to seek honest people, then be let down when they lacked integrity. I felt that if I treated others with "respect" then I deserved the same. And when I didn't get it, again either I'd bet angry or broken-hearted at the betrayal, yet again. And love, well, that is a "never-ending" topic it seems.

But, I have come to understand SO much more. In order to actually find those things in another person, we must possess them, without fail, in our entire being. Otherwise, we draw to us exactly the vibrational frequencies that we are operating at and where we "lack", so do those who are attracted to us, on every level (friendship, relationships, clients, whatever).

Until I "shed" all of those low vibrational frequencies, until I "quit looking" for it in others and got ME to a place where I not only AM love, but I exude it in every fiber of my being. I no longer look for any of these things in another person, as anything less doesn't last long in my energetic field. If I DON'T PARTICIPATE it has nothing to do with me. I don't draw those frequencies any longer. Do I "run into" them, yes. But they don't have to be part of my world. I can teach & help others truly seeking to learn & heal regardless of where they are. Because if their heart is open, then I can help them. I can "see" or "feel" less honorable intentions, and just don't make it part of my existence. 

Most of all, the things most lack of which is so completely important is "trust in self". Now I TRUST me! That is all I ever needed, but had to "learn" to do. When we truly trust ourselves, we don't technically "care" about another, because everything just falls into place. I trust myself enough not to need to find others to trust. May not make sense to anyone else, but I get it. :) And more than that, I trust the universe. I am putting out exactly what I need now. I "tried" to believe that before, because I was a good person, but I still "lacked" and couldn't completely let go enough to do so. 

It used to drive me absolutely crazy to "keep" seeing the lack of integrity in people. But, that is THEIR issue. Not mine. I can recognize it, know it and that is all I need. I no longer place expectations on people or anything. I just "know" what is right and maintain that "flow" that I only saw before as an impossible, crazy, distant desire.

Now that I am in a place of utter and complete peace, love, integrity, honesty, kindness and everything healing energetically, I no longer worry about other people. I don't seek those things in others because I have found them & possess them in myself now. I can only help/heal if I don't bring myself down to that level. Being a clear & clean vessel, that is not even an option anymore. 

This place of perfection absolutely rocks! Thank you Universe!!!! 

I had a pivotal experience recently, an "epiphany" that really made me "see" so much about this entire physical life that I had not "quite" gotten yet. At "that" moment of awareness & understanding, while "in the middle" of the experience, I realized that I had been responding sexually/intimately to those I was with "depending on how open or closed their heart was". WOW, that was huge for me. 


Being a child of sexual molestation (and other abuses), I had previously come to identify my sexual identity based upon my childhood experiences & those after that followed. My entire physical life up until this point, I can look back and see patterns .... I have gone from one extreme to the other & back again. But there has never been a consistency, because I had never come to a place of peace before like this. 

Most of us base our sexuality on how we feel about ourselves. Which is quite true, as if we feel wonderful, we tend to be more "happy" and open sexually. But to come to understand that my heart was ruling my experiences, totally opened me up to a whole new level of understanding that now I am in the middle of exploring. This recent experience not only gave me a new awareness, but where "we" had both "blamed" me (even subconsciously I had blamed myself & didn't realize it), for the "intimate" connection issues in the relationship. At "that moment" when the other person's heart opened & closed, I FELT it and my heart responded with the same. I was open when theirs was open & I shut down the instant moment my heart felt theirs shut down. At that moment I got it. I realized how I had allowed myself to "take it upon myself" and discount the experiences as being "my issue". Not only was it not my issue, it was my response to the other person's issues! Wow! This new awareness allowed me to release myself from blame & every other suppressive emotion I had allowed to exist, even unintentionally. I was free! (Now, it did not serve a purpose to tell this other person, because it would only hurt them and that is not the point to any of this.) This is for me & my own healing. I only share in case there is another Empath/person who can identify/benefit from my "epiphany".

I have literally had every sexual experience that one can think of. This is good in the context that now I have an entire library to go back to, to pull from, to understand. I can understand the purpose in absolutely every experience I have been lucky enough to have up to this point. No matter what it was. 

In an intimate situation, my connection is now on a totally different level. Before, there were times that my heart was open & so was the other persons & the experience was absolutely amazing. This is where the "connection" comes in that we all "long for" in this physical world. I've also had experiences where the heart was not a concern & we were feeding a different need. Then there are experiences where we both "wanted" to try to make things work, but there was no way on this earth it was going to happen!

It took a higher consciousness understanding of those experiences; that new awareness that comes when we step outside our intellect and tap into that level of understanding that allows us to put aside our emotional self; letting go of separation & become we.... in that moment, the merging of two hearts is exquisite. We do become one. We feel, what again, can't quite be described in words. The best part is "that" feeling is also obtained with others operating at the exact same "heart" level, so it doesn't have to be a "sexual" connection.... that heart connection is a merging into one period, but this experience in an intimate situation is what we identify with so much of the time. 

I have known for awhile that this part of me would evolve, but I didn't quite understand that "this" would be how. How cool is that.... that by embracing my traumas, past, experiences, letting go, & coming to feel this would that it would open me up to the amazing connections that we all have the capability to access & experience if we just let go, heal & learn to love without limitations.  The mind could never have comprehended this on an intellectual level. 

On a higher level, I "feel" that my heart is connecting universally which is why I am so "in Love" vibrationally at every moment lately! I now possess that feeling of intimacy so many seek with others but I feel it on a whole new level, without the need of another person present. It is like I am intimate with the Universe, and it is the most amazing feeling! I am just coming to understand that I have been experiencing the opening of my 8th Chakra and the Universal Heart, which is now a whole new thing for me to continue to explore!

The most common "crime" I see against self, others, humanity on a whole lately is fear of feeling. How can I recognize this? Because I was one of the "offenders".

So what happens? We shut down. "Protect the heart" at all costs, as it is vulnerable. It might get broken or damaged or feel pain. And what do we do? We "jump" into our intellect, our ego, our reasoning mind in order to cope, protect, deal. Wow, yeah, THAT makes it so much better!

The heart, the true heart, can't hurt a soul. It doesn't have the capacity. It feels what is right. It can't lie and has no need to. IT has nothing to hide. So when we go to that place of distrust, betrayal, competition, greed, and fear... none of those things are qualities of the heart... but the reasoning mind, the intellect, the ego.

The heart will be what allows us to transcend, the answers to our prayers, the end of the hurt & pain. The heart will guide us to be true to ourselves & absolutely everything else. The heart will be what heals the world, this universe, our souls.

The heart doesn't say, I am not good enough or I need to self-sabotage or inflict pain. The mind does that. The heart doesn't say "betray or don't trust". The mind does that. The absence of heart is how we  get all messed up to start with. So how do we change it & turn it around?

First, we must stop punishing ourselves & others. Wanna cry, fine cry. It won't kill us. It actually release whatever it is that one holds onto in order to start the healing process. The emotional pain will remain until we release it. It will wreak havoc on our bodies. It will tear apart everything we have in order to stay hidden, remain suppressed. Once we embrace our hearts, find love for self and others, we open ourselves up to everything beautiful and wonderful that we deserve and desire. Until then we just continue to seek it without truly understanding. The heart understands absolutely everything. 


The most phenomenal feeling is of total freedom to FEEL absolutely everything in a "being" of love. Everything becomes totally "right" and the energetic body raises to a point of uncontrollable vibration. It is at that point we reach a place of perfection that no words can actually explain. It is something we have to be able to feel. And we have to release fear of feeling and all control before we can ever accomplish this. 

This post is going to be a bit scattered, as I am still "experiencing" as I try to post. So I apologize (not really, but you know what I mean)... and I will clarify the "gaps" later... I don't quite have the words yet to describe this experience.

At 12:22pm I was overcome with an amazing feeling of love, to the point of being overwhelmed, which was so absolutely beautiful. I have learned to document the "times" as they mean something to me and help me later when I "go back" to read & understand other things. I wanted to just break down & cry it was so strong. This continued on for almost 10 minutes.

At 12:33 my entire body started vibrating energetically. I could "feel" the vibration of my energetic field/body raising. It was the most phenomenal experience! (Still is, an hour later!) The experiences that followed will have to be posted later, as I am "getting" that it is not time yet. Soon, but not yet. For now, I am just documenting the experience, as I "know" that this is just the beginning, and that I am to "work" dilligently on my energetic field, raising the vibration & so much more. But, the door has opened, and the amazingness has just begun.

At this moment, I am in a place of total perfection, love, excitement at this renewed understanding & ready to get busy! 

I will resume "this work" in between clients & business.... wow, now I wanna "just DO IT!".

I am literally bursting with every awesome emotion at this moment & my 3rd eye feels like it is about to explode! And so it begins. :)

We hear it everyday... I love you... love you... luv u.... and so on. It can be so overused, and as a word alone can lose value, as in anything else. 

To actually FEEL love, to be love, to know love... that is something else totally. That is perfection. :)

So many spend their entire lives looking for "love".... We hear it all the time. "I need a partner to love me, so I feel valued or validated as a person (people don't actually say that part, but that is the underlying meaning for most). But to come to a place that you FEEL love in absolutely everything you do, everything you see, everything you are... that is a feeling from within, that no other person or thing can provide. We exude it when we breathe, when we walk, when we smile, when we heal. That we find within ourselves.

How does one expect to understand true & unconditional love if they don't experience it & feel it for themselves? How are we supposed to share this wonderful gift if we don't come to possess it first? 

I see it repeatedly in the classes that I teach. Most obvious & recent, Reiki/Energy Healing Classes. For me, healing is feeling. Anyone can put their hands over someone, stand there, chant, breathe, think... but if we can't get outside of ourselves, put the ego aside, come to a place of letting go & feeling... we fail to be able to tap into the full meaning of what it is to share our gift of love & healing with another. Healing (for me) is letting go and going to "that place" of absolute nothing but love & purity. It is there that I can truly connect and help another come to a place of healing themselves. It is then that I become a facilitator of healing love. 

Sometimes it takes awhile to "get it", as it did for me, and many others that I now meet. In the beginning we may try to "understand" healing. There is no "understanding" healing for me now. There is "being" healing. The rational mind, the reasoning mind, the logical mind needs to think about it. It can't truly comprehend this "thing". The intuitive mind might take awhile to get there, but eventually when it learns to "tap in", it starts to understand "the point". It starts to understand that those who heal from an unconditional place, couldn't care less about being right, understanding the semantics of "how" things work, it comes to understand that there is no "rational" explanation for what takes place. What does occur is a phenomenal gift of light & love that only the heart can understand.

Namaste'

Inner peace is something sought after by so many. Most can't understand even the concept. More and more though, it is becoming apparent to those I see, hear, listen to, meet. This is what we do when we help each other heal. This is what we come to understand, without words, without seeking... it just "becomes" a way of being.

Regardless of the turmoil and drama that swirls around us, we don't falter. We observe. We "see" it, but have no desire or need to participate in it. It doesn't serve a purpose.

On a physical level, we still experience discomfort, but it is so on a different level than before. The pain that once could have crippled us, just becomes a "bump" that we feel momentarily, then we let it go. We learn to let it "come up", but it is not to the degree that it was before, because the underlying cause is no longer fear-based. It's just a reaction to a moment that we've overcome in the past. We recognize the reaction as an ego-based reaction; one of attachment to something, whether it be a person, situation, identity or thing, those things are not "us" any longer, as we have evolved into something more. We are now a part of something so much bigger. We are a part of the consciousness of one. And that is so much more than "I" in self could ever be.