We either trust or we don't.  There is no "but" in trust.

In learning to trust & let go, this was a huge huge step for me. It took everything I had for so long, as how could I let go and just trust?  Then I started to realize that if I truly trusted, then "but" can't not be entertained.  

I hear this 24/7 from those around me saying, "I trust, but".  If it's followed by a but, then there is no trust. 

Unconditional also applies to trust. To trust is to let go of the need to control the outcome and accept things as being perfect exactly as they are.  To trust, doesn't mean to stop trying to do great things, it just means understanding & accepting things without the need to try to change them to suit our physical needs.  Do we still try to be our best, actually no.  Because if we are being true to higher self, we don't need to "try". We already are.  I think that is the difference.  

In trying, it means that we are not doing.  Do it.  What is so hard about doing?  

When we see the world as "out to get us" or "deceitful" or "dishonest", then that is a reflection of our own distrust of self.  Trust ultimately lies within.  When we don't feel we can trust, that means we ultimately don't trust ourselves. As if we did, another's actions would not matter.  Trusting in higher consciousness, mean being one and trusting self is the same as trusting another, as we all are of one consciousness, are we not?  If I know and trust that I am fine no matter what, then what another does doesn't affect me.  As I know that I have done the absolute best that I could do at all times.  The need to control goes away.  All I need is trust. The rest is exactly perfect as it is.

We create the scenarios that keep us victim and subject to crisis or chaos.  If we don't keep creating chaos, then it goes away. As we learn to trust our OWN judgement, then we learn to trust period. We create the world we live in.  Do we create a world of peace & trust or a world of distrust, manipulation, self-sabotage.  Do we try to control others actions to try to obtain the outcome we desire. If we do, then we are not connected as one and we don't have trust.  We can speak of trust intellectually, but the experience can't really be explained. As with true trust, there is no need to explain.  It just is.

Wow, it seems like years since I posted, and it's only been like 3 weeks.  Yay, I am back! :)

It's amazing how living in the physical interferes with our ability to connect when we "shift" to that left brain mentality to function.  It's also amazing at how many "issues" come back along with that.  

The last several weeks I picked up more website clients and boxed the apartment for a major move. Knowing this was part of my journey, I embraced it (mostly, lol) whereas in the past I fought it.

First the move: My entire life I have been the provider, the sole-supporter, not needing or wanting to depend on anyone.  I KNEW I would not let me down like everyone had in my life (I know better now, but that was how it was viewed in the past).  Then I got laid off (been working 24/7 since I was 13) and life took a whole new route.  At the time I could not see the blessing in losing my financial stability.  I started my crash-and-burn phase.  But it took crashing and burning for me to realize that money didn't matter, things didn't matter (actually they hold us back), and it brought all of my insecurities and issues to the forefront.  I had SO many of them, they owned me for awhile.  But it took going through that to come out on the other side.  It took knocking me on my independent butt to teach me to let go of my need for independence and all of those walls of strength that "protected" me. Being vulnerable didn't mean weak. It actually took strength to be vulnerable and not a victim. Moving meant depending on someone else. Wow, was that virtually impossible for the longest. But I did let go. I even fought letting go until I stopped to ask myself "what was I holding onto"? The fasad of stability, my apartment, my security. Things don't matter, and moving meant change. As physical beings, (especially control freaks) we don't do change well. But then I let go. And it was SO freeing. Wow, too bad I didn't do this years ago! :)

Dealing with the "stress" of organizing and being left brain/right brain to design websites, so took me out of the "connection loop" and I didn't realize how much I loved being connected until I couldn't. I stayed in the mode to get everything done on deadline (boy how I have changed from the meet-every-deadline control freak) by just going with the flow). I sooo prefer just going with the flow, but necessity didn't allow this during that time. So I started out my day with the "message" meant for me, and the day of the move was "patience". Through all "remember patience". Ok, no problem. Yeah right, easier said than done.  I tried, tried, tried... but as the glass and fragiles were to be moved, my freak-out side kept trying to rear it's ugly head. The higher level me knew that if they got broke, so what... who cares... it's just stuff.... but the physical mind was freaking out.  hen I wanted to get angry because someone didn't respect my stuff and were not as careful, I had to stop myself to say "what was I angry at?" If I really thought about it, the person meant so much more than the stuff, so why was I getting angry at the person over the stuff? That helped put things in perspective. Was it easy? No. Did I get upset and go into control freak mode during the move. Yep. Did I do better in the past. Definitely. Was I perfect? Nope, but the experience was exactly perfect because I learned from it. :) Did I make it through? Definitely!

Website Design Clients: I have struggled over the last few years trying to get my foot through the door and finally realized that as long as I stay true to honor and integrity and self, treat others with respect, change the way I deal with challenging situations and do the very best I can to help another (as it really doesn't cost me anything, does it?) then those who are meant to come will. When it is time, it will be. So again, I let go of those challenging situations of the past that kept me "stuck" and low-and-behold LITERALLY the same day I got two new clients. Little did I see that the resistance to step away from a "safe" yet challenging situation that I knew I needed to step away from, until I did that, the door would not open for the new things to come my way. Again, my own resistance was my block. So now, as long as my basic needs are met (roof over my head, minimal groceries, health needs), then I will continue to do from my heart to help others and in return I will be treated with the same respect and honor that I live my life by.  :) Now, sometimes I have to say no, because it is their journey or path to learn something on their own, and them becoming dependent on me does not help them, BUT when it does not create an unhealthy dependence and it helps another, what do I care if I share a gift or knowledge that I have to help another? If more gave freely and without an expectation of return, this would be a much happier place. :)

Regardless of how I spend my days, I can choose to enjoy them or dread them. I so choose to enjoy every experience, regardless of what it is. As there is always a reason and a lesson. I choose how I view things. Re-programming my thoughts from the low end thoughts that I was so used to was part of my journey. I had carried on the thought processes that I was raised with. It was time to change that. Those thoughts were someone else's. Those standards of perfection and failure were now standards I imposed on myself. Those behaviors were ones I created. I choose what I create.  I choose to accept everything as exactly perfect. Failure is only something never attempted or tried, as the outcome is exactly as it is supposed to be. Expectation breeds disappointment (or pleasure), but we tend to focus on the disappointments/failures... until we realize all of those expectations, failures, punishments, etc are self-imposed. The person who put it in our head to start with, no longer is in control unless we remain submissive to those thoughts.  Freeing self from low-end though processes and forgiving others and self frees us from the control that we so try to escape from to start with. Hmmmm. :)

I am not sure what is going on with me "physically", but it seems that I am going through a higher level of awakening.  The last time I experienced "this" was the weekend of my "original" awakening.

Psychically, my crown chakra blew open while my Kundalini rose.  It was truly a very "obvious" experience (once I understood it later).  I am re-experiencing those same experiences again, almost a year to the date of the last experience. Hmmmm.  Didn't get that until I typed it.

My awareness is severely heightened.  I spent the morning in a fog, before I started to realize everything.  I was not grounded one bit.  I had a phone interview and wasn't sure how I was going to manage that!  I had to shower to help ground, which is usually where I go to "connect", but not this time.  I got grounded, did the call (had experiences with that also), then it started again.  I asked for clarity during that time and it's like I was given clarity just that long, then poof, gone. lol

The frequencies in my head have been getting louder & higher all day.  It's exhausting to listen to 24/7. I have tried to "calm them down", but doesn't seem to be within my control.  I have grounded several times, or I would not even be able to stand up.  I can "feel" hands on my head every so often.  Such a strange experience, but I also know it's all ok, so I embrace it and go with it.  Earlier almost felt like a "download" into my head.  

I know this will sound like I am crazy bonkers to some... this is definitely an experience you have to experience to understand.  The first time I experienced this I actually thought I was bonkers too.  It takes some getting used to, that's for sure.  I've "felt" this was coming all week.  Just a "knowing" as with most everything now.  

I may not totally understand it all, but I know it is supposed to be.  So I will go with it, and we shall see!  More later, that's for sure. :) Night all!

Namaste'

I am having the weirdest case of Deja vu tonight.  I've done this before, but this time seems different.

The one time I did this that I recall vividly, I was at work and an "experience" with the room started and I remember thinking "I've experienced this before, seen this before".  It was so strange.  I watched and knew every conversation that was about to take place, every person's move that would change, when a person was to enter the room.  Everything slowed down and went in slow motion.  It seemed like it went on for 15 minutes, but looking back now it probably only lasted a few seconds or a minute or two.  I was completely in shock.

Tonight I have been trying to study, with interruption after interruption.  As I study, I check off the questions with a highlighter upon completion.  This course, I had not even taken the binder clip off this course yet... 

I've been reading and I keep thinking "I've read all of this before".  But I keep reading, thinking I am a bit crazy.  I pull the question/answer page and read the question and think "I've read this question before".  Yet again, a bit crazy.... so I kept going.  Needless to say this goes on for awhile, then I get several pages into it and start to realize that "somehow" I have "read" all of this before and I "know all of the answers" prior to "reading" any of this.  Now, I have experienced this before with my coursework, but not to this magnitude.  

Usually, just prior to starting a course, I will pull it and read the title.  I start to "receive" information or start "drawing" words (I automatic write when I channel or whatever).  Never before ever doing research on these specific topics and half of the time not knowing anything about the topic at all or even really what it is, I start "writing" information that is contained in the course.  It's become "normal" for me.

When I started studying these courses, I found myself reading the questions and "knowing" the answers prior to reading the section.  Never before studied this stuff, didn't "know" the information contained in the course, intellectually no knowledge I would ever have access to prior, but I knew all the answers.  Then I started realizing I "knew the content" prior to reading it.  

It's all just become a game to me now, just to see what new experience I will have with the next course.

I have realized that this is why I "knew" all the answers on the test in school when I was growing up & why I did so good in school.  I always "knew" the answers, unless I second guessed myself or I studied.  Both of those would result in me not doing well at all.  But to just hand me a test and me to show up, I aced everything I was given.  Hmmmmmm........ 

A Gift is exactly that.  A Gift.  It can't be purchased or even taught.  It can be shared though.

I have many gifts.  They change, grow, expand...depending on where I am in my journey.  I didn't always consider them gifts though.  I used to view them as curses.  They hindered my life.  They overwhelmed me.  I didn't understand them and frankly, wasn't in a good place to deal with them. They owned me.  But as I started to learn, to understand, to clear myself of the heavy energies and blockages that interfered with my functioning to fullest potential, all of that started to change.  But I had to change me.  I had to let go of all of the "stuff" that weighed me down.  In every aspect of my life/being (physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally/materialistically, etc.).

Someone made the comment "A gift cannot be taught".  That was absolutely perfect!  We can teach people how to remove the obstacles, how to free themselves, how to connect... but ultimately we don't control such things.  We access them.  The level of access is up to the spiritual individual's capacity to connect.  Trust is a HUGE part, if not the most important.  Without it, we don't access to our full potential.  We miss things.  We receive information, but if we are not paying attention or are shut down, it is always out of reach. 

One topic that is constantly debated is the financial exchange for something like this.  I have learned a lot in this area and am sure I will learn more.  This one was a particularly hard one for me.  

As energetic healers, I think most all of us give freely the majority of the time and anywhere we can. We give from our heart.  We never stop "working" as it is 24/7 with something like this.  Unfortunately, in the physical world we have to pay bills, survive financially, make enough to help more people.  I have also learned how not charging creates an unequal exchange energy.  The energy healers give on every level each time they heal.  Granted, what we get back is also healing in return.  But, too much giving creates an imbalance on many levels, including physically.  For many, the only way that they can afford to help others is to charge an equal exchange.  I don't personally know many energy healers who do this to get rich or have succeeded in getting rich.  That is far from why we do this.  Granted, there are many who have turned it into a business, and I say, more power to them, if they continue to help people and don't turn away those in need in the process.  There always has to be a way to help those who can't afford it and also help those who can.  Basically, if someone is going to tap into their energetic gifts to help another with something that can ultimately help them in a way that they could not have gained elsewhere (and let's face it, if someone seeks you out, then they usually need/desire something), then I feel an equal exchange is fair.  We give of ourselves on every level.  Many of us live on very little means so that we can help another.  It's basically a bartering system of energy.... some give with money, others gift with something else.  For those seeking an energy healing service, unable to heal themselves, then much of the time the only thing that they do have to exchange IS financial.  We all help each other out.  We utilize our resources and gifts to help another.  None of us are rich financially, but we are definitely abundant in love for each other and other wonderful things.  This is what is most important.  

Teaching classes & workshops is yet another exchange where physical world value is placed upon the education/information received.  Basically, if we all did not teach because we couldn't charge, then how would anyone come to learn the things we so seek to know? Again, not preferred, but necessary.  

For me, keeping my motives, intentions & actions pure and always giving back is a way for me to keep moving forward.  Those with anything less are governed by a higher power and abuse of such gifts can be cause for them to lose so much more in the end or along the way.  We all serve a purpose in everything that we experience and do.  We can never lose site or forget what is right and important.  As soon as we interfere with our path or another, when we start forget people and put other things first, when we become selective in who we help for any reason... then we have lost sight of the higher good.  When we stray from our path something will always happen to knock us upside the head to give us a chance to make it right.  I choose to stay on the path, to always do good... I don't need that 12x12 as much anymore to learn such dramatic lessons! I've crashed and burned.  It's necessary sometimes, but I definitely don't plan on doing a repeat again in order to learn my lessons. I got it last time!!!  Thank You. ♥

It is also no longer my responsibility to govern another's motives with what they do with what I teach.  I used to be so hung up on this one.  But who am I to decide?  When I even begin to think that I have the right to make that determination, I have lost the reason as to why I ultimately have access to these gifts.  It is my responsibility to teach/share to the best of my ability the things I have access to.  If that person chooses to ignore the gift they have received, then that is their choice.  The control I have is only to share it,  not to govern what they do with it.  Some choose to "cast it aside", because it is not what they wish to hear at that moment.  Who knows... maybe later they will reflect and remember and utilize it. Some have the idea that they can take a gift and abuse it or use it for harm.  Karmically, this one gets taken care of.  It still is not up to me.  But if I withhold it, if I try to determine who or what is deserving, then I totally have to disconnect from source to feel that I am worthy of making such a decision.  I believe that if that person is meant to get it, use it, learn it, share it, then it will happen exactly as it is meant to.  If they don't... then it is not time.  One thing I have learned is paths are already set.  Lessons are already chosen.  My role is to share my gifts with as many as I can and those that are meant to receive them will come across my path.  I don't discriminate.  I don't care if you have college degrees or are indigent.  I don't care about your hair or appearance.  When I look at people, I don't see status or physical anything. I see energy.  I connect with that energy to share what is meant to be shared.  Each time it is different.  If nothing happens, then it is obviously not meant to be.  It is not time.  If it does, then I allow it.  It is not mine to protect or keep to myself.  Gifts are for giving.... otherwise they would not be gifts.