Being a child of sexual molestation (and other abuses), I had previously come to identify my sexual identity based upon my childhood experiences & those after that followed. My entire physical life up until this point, I can look back and see patterns .... I have gone from one extreme to the other & back again. But there has never been a consistency, because I had never come to a place of peace before like this.
Most of us base our sexuality on how we feel about ourselves. Which is quite true, as if we feel wonderful, we tend to be more "happy" and open sexually. But to come to understand that my heart was ruling my experiences, totally opened me up to a whole new level of understanding that now I am in the middle of exploring. This recent experience not only gave me a new awareness, but where "we" had both "blamed" me (even subconsciously I had blamed myself & didn't realize it), for the "intimate" connection issues in the relationship. At "that moment" when the other person's heart opened & closed, I FELT it and my heart responded with the same. I was open when theirs was open & I shut down the instant moment my heart felt theirs shut down. At that moment I got it. I realized how I had allowed myself to "take it upon myself" and discount the experiences as being "my issue". Not only was it not my issue, it was my response to the other person's issues! Wow! This new awareness allowed me to release myself from blame & every other suppressive emotion I had allowed to exist, even unintentionally. I was free! (Now, it did not serve a purpose to tell this other person, because it would only hurt them and that is not the point to any of this.) This is for me & my own healing. I only share in case there is another Empath/person who can identify/benefit from my "epiphany".
I have literally had every sexual experience that one can think of. This is good in the context that now I have an entire library to go back to, to pull from, to understand. I can understand the purpose in absolutely every experience I have been lucky enough to have up to this point. No matter what it was.
In an intimate situation, my connection is now on a totally different level. Before, there were times that my heart was open & so was the other persons & the experience was absolutely amazing. This is where the "connection" comes in that we all "long for" in this physical world. I've also had experiences where the heart was not a concern & we were feeding a different need. Then there are experiences where we both "wanted" to try to make things work, but there was no way on this earth it was going to happen!
It took a higher consciousness understanding of those experiences; that new awareness that comes when we step outside our intellect and tap into that level of understanding that allows us to put aside our emotional self; letting go of separation & become we.... in that moment, the merging of two hearts is exquisite. We do become one. We feel, what again, can't quite be described in words. The best part is "that" feeling is also obtained with others operating at the exact same "heart" level, so it doesn't have to be a "sexual" connection.... that heart connection is a merging into one period, but this experience in an intimate situation is what we identify with so much of the time.
I have known for awhile that this part of me would evolve, but I didn't quite understand that "this" would be how. How cool is that.... that by embracing my traumas, past, experiences, letting go, & coming to feel this would that it would open me up to the amazing connections that we all have the capability to access & experience if we just let go, heal & learn to love without limitations. The mind could never have comprehended this on an intellectual level.
On a higher level, I "feel" that my heart is connecting universally which is why I am so "in Love" vibrationally at every moment lately! I now possess that feeling of intimacy so many seek with others but I feel it on a whole new level, without the need of another person present. It is like I am intimate with the Universe, and it is the most amazing feeling! I am just coming to understand that I have been experiencing the opening of my 8th Chakra and the Universal Heart, which is now a whole new thing for me to continue to explore!