Death of the ego can be the most beautiful blessing in disguise. Going through it, well it was "torture" and there were times that I was not sure I was going to "make it". It was probably one of the most grueling things I have ever experienced in this physical world. It created more pain & chaos than anything outside of me could ever have accomplished.
It was a stubborn little bugger. It cried, it screamed, it called me names, it fought, it threatened, it created addictions, it said I wasn't good enough, that others were not trust worthy, that they betrayed, lied, and that I needed to protect myself at all costs. The biggest threat? My heart.
And then... it happened. It gave in. It quietened down. It tucked itself down in a little itty bitty corner of my mind and said "I will be here if you need me, but I see you don't really need me anymore. I won't leave, just in case, but I won't interfere unless you allow me to".
Now, I am amazed at how quiet it can be. Does it "try" every now & then to sneak out of it's little corner? Yep, but not for long. I recognize it and say nope, you are not necessary and it retreats to hide in silence.
For I now have my heart, the thing that I didn't know how to truly access for this entire physical life until maybe the last few years. Yes, I have had moments, periods, where it ruled. But never in peace. Now, it has peace. It has grown to lead the way, without any need of assistance for protection. For it has purity, truth, honesty, integrity and most of all LOVE. It radiates bigger than my ego ever thought of doing. It can't be penetrated by low-vibrational frequencies, as it operates at such a high frequency at all times. It can be met with anger, judgement, dishonesty and it sees these things as for what they are. Painful fears that need love too. And through that, I appreciate and embrace every opportunity that arises to "remember" my little ego tucked away in it's quiet little place, for what it was... an invaluable learning experience that was necessary for me to find my heart.
Radiating Love to you all!