Learning to embrace the "tough & rough" times, the really uncomfortable ones, and to actually "step back" and "see" them as they progress, gives us a totally different view. To become an observer, instead of an active participant responding out of emotion, we can see things we otherwise would not see. We understand in a "larger picture" kind of way. We see that it is not "all about us". Wow, now that is a blow to the ego! That gives us awareness.
Awareness provides us with a new opportunity to open the door for healing. Awareness opens the door for a different response. Then once we are aware, things then become a choice. And choice is powerful. To be able to choose, where as in the past, we "felt" we didn't have a choice, became the victim, and participated in that experience that we now have the ability to heal within ourselves. Awareness is very powerful when we have never had awareness before. So taking our power back is one of the first steps we must accomplish when we gave it away unknowingly before. With awareness, also comes responsibility. Here is another one we have a problem with. Because with responsibility, our logic wants to assign blame, fault, act guilty, etc. That is another whole ballgame, which is taking responsibility for what is and not placing blame/fault or feeling guilty.
We do NOT have to have inner conflict. That too is a choice. We can choose to entertain it, to keep it going, to feed it. Or we can not give it power, strength or give in. We can choose happiness & love over conflict & low-vibrational feelings/experiences. Learning how is part of the entire process of healing.
We know the answers we seek when we tap into our heart. It is when our rational mind does not "like" the answer it gets, that it starts to "find" another answer. Here is where we get "monkey brain". Here is where the conflict is created. Anytime our rational mind tries to override our hearts, we "suffer" conflict internally. Both in our bodies & our minds.
Our rational mind also likes to try to view all sides of something, to predict the best outcome if a certain decision is made. It wants to "control" how things end up. It wants to know the ending based upon the rational decisions it entertains. It is scared of being "hurt". We must release the attachment to any outcome if we are to make a true decision from our heart. The funny thing, is when we can learn to release the need to know the ending, the need to control another person's response with our own actions, release our attachment to any outcome,, then we learn to make heart centered decisions and things begin to just "flow". Resistance falls away. Our bodies start to relax, as all of that "tension" has to be stored somewhere. When we have an attachment to an outcome, we are trying to make a conditional decision. "If I do this, then I need this to happen".... how can we operate from an "unconditional" place of love & healing, IF we are putting condition on anyone or anything for how we expect things to be? The heart has no expectation or condition on what it does. It does freely. The hard part is making that choice.... the head or the heart? If we choose head (intellect/ego/rational mind), we can continue to spin in circles or deal with "consequences" later of a choice made out of condition. If we choose heart, we do so willingly, without condition.
Herein lies the ability to open the door for healing, for everyone involved. Because at that moment, we are making a conscious decision, with full awareness. This is where we remove the "attachment to an outcome" and make a decision that is for best & highest good for all concerned. In that moment, we can be responsible and tell our intellect to tame itself, that this isn't about it. A decision for best & highest good comes from the heart. At that moment, we have to stop & talk to our heart. Our heart will always deliver the answer out of love. Our reasoning, rational mind will want to disect it, pick it apart, understand it and tell us what we have to do, especially if "it" feels we need protecting. Our intellect/ego/rational mind will then begin the arguments that we have in our heads when we don't listen to our hearts. Our ego will respond with anger. "Fight back, protect, blame someone, make the PERFECT decision, be perfect" and so on... our ego is also the one that can't stand to cry. The ego says this is weak, or harmful or "hurts". The heart knows it is totally necessary and jumps at the chance to LET IT GO. The mind is the one that causes our bodies to tense, hold on, hold on, don't let it out... noooooooo, it will hurt! So what? When we allow it to come up in a way that is just a release, without threat to another or self, it doesn't hurt as bad as we pictured. Oddly, those things we saw as devastating, come up & leave.... it is our intellect/ego/rational mind that tries to suppress it out of fear of the experience. The heart doesn't need to hold on to "that". It wants to let go. We do that in "protection" of what we perceive as a threat. The only threat is our rational mind when it is in competition with the heart.
Awareness is not a defense mechanism, if it is to help us. The purpose is not to say flippantly "oh that is THEIR issue, because that is their response. It is not for dismissing the other person's response, it is for us to look at the entire exchange to see how we can open the door for all parties to heal. Not just self. This takes practice, as it is almost the opposite extreme of "I am to blame for everything"... once we "learn" awareness, if we don't utilize it to help everyone to heal, then we shift responsibility off ourselves and just "blame" the other person. We actually have gone to the extreme of NOT taking responsibility, by placing it on another outside ourselves. The goal is to look at the whole; to look at the bigger picture. Awareness should be expanded to include everything. Otherwise we are still "living" in a tunnel and are missing the reason for the reason that entire exchange occurred to start with. Healing is not about just "self", but the "WE" as one. What we do to another we are doing to ourselves. What we do to ourselves, we are doing to another. We are one. What we do period affects "WE" as a whole.
From the perspective of the Universal Heart, decisions are made out of a pure love, that always acts (not reacts) for best & highest good of the "all". The heart does not think, it just knows. The key is learning to listen to & trust our hearts in order to help facilitate healing on every level. Not just for the I. We start with "I/me/my" to graduate to "WE". It is a "step" process. Heal our hearts so that we can help others heal theirs, and in turn we heal together.