When I started this, I was a STRONG masculine LOGICAL energy VICTIM/SURVIVOR who excelled at everything I put my mind to. I didn't need another and I enjoyed life, love, people and things. I had OVERCOME all barriers presented to me in the physical, knowing I was different, but even tailored that uniqueness to just being "me". I was proud of my accomplishments and lived very comfortably with "stuff". I was the one all leaned on when they needed strength. I was the consummate "savior" and "victim" all rolled up into one.
My SOUL had been gathering experiences for me to "tuck" inside and although it tried to awaken, I suppressed it (not knowing this) with every addiction, medication and "thing" that I could fill my time with, my life with, my energetic space with. My health yo-yo'd between perfect to "deathly ill" dependent on the day or year. I was always in a "teacher" or guide role as I learned. That is how it works for us all.
Then one day when "suppression" was no longer an option, MY SOUL said "enough. You have avoided enough, hidden enough and "not listened" enough. So now it is time to take "choice" away from you and force you down the path of your own soul."
All of a sudden, (not really, but it seems like it), ALL that had been hidden, suppressed and lying dormant within my own energy, carried over from all lifetimes, became present. I retreated within, as fear of everything owned me. Now, even in the MIDDLE of all of that, I swore that I had no fear. We CANNOT see it when we are in it. Everything exacerbated and all of my senses developed to the extreme. (Sight, sound, smells, energy, etc.) I was a control freak, so control got taken away. I was a FIGHTER, a survivor... and that too all had to get "ripped" away.
I suffered through "Dark Night of the Soul" for well over a year. I hit rock bottom in every way one can do this. I was stripped of pride, to cause me to ask for help, as I never asked for help from anyone. I was MY own strength. I spent my entire life creating a world where I didn't need anyone.
I awoke many times in physical pain wondering why I had not died during the night and asking why I was still here. There was no physical explanation for why I had survived that which my physical body (and spirit) had endured (repeatedly).
I became agoraphobic, withdrew and I went inside. I switched my days & nights so that I could "handle" the energies better. I SAT with myself and I conquered my fears, one by one, and I cried & mourned in grief for a solid year & half while my own soul purged dark & released energy, identity after identity. The entire time, I would get up, put on make-up and teach as if nothing were going on. Many had no idea, some saw it, but had no idea what was "wrong" with me. I slept for days at a time, not understanding this was a healing period for my own soul, a purging period, a detox period and one where my own soul was emerging and expanding it's own light, IN SPITE of all that I did to interfere and stop it.
Then one day, I WOKE UP. I opened the blinds, all the addictions had purged, the physical pain was leaving and I didn't understand it, but I was "guided" by something that made no sense. Logic & my thinking mind was MY biggest hurdle, as I had lived in a place of "needing to know" everything. That was no longer my driving force. I didn't need to blame anyone anymore, I started to respect & honor my own heart, I started to take responsibility for my own energy and be aware of all around me as part of my existence, not as something outside of me. All of those things I had been "conditioned to believe" to be failures became my biggest learning lessons that taught me more than any "one" ever could have. I would then start my own journey into the light of my own being.
My heart and soul had purged and released and I stood in NEW LIGHT, the LIGHT of my own soul. I still did not understand and it would be another year or more before I would even hear or start to comprehend the words consciousness or awakening or ascension. I had heard them, but there was absolutely no understanding attached.
You see, logic can read & be taught, but we must be the ones to APPLY it in our own existence. Until then, they are words with no purpose other than to be there for us when we are ready. I had an "arsenal" of lessons to choose from when it was time for me to "learn". I would spend every moment paying attention, listening for guidance, searching for answers within. I even got the words "you will now be your own teacher", and while not knowing what that quite meant, I stepped away from all I sought assistance from and I followed MY own higher guidance, not realizing that I was integrating my own soul into my entire existence here.
While my own LightBody started to form, that which seems amazing & miracles to others became a part of what I "know" as normal. Reality as we once knew it no longer exists and what exists is one of creation, of assisting others in opening their hearts, raising their own levels of consciousness, as there is nothing more beautiful that watching another "break down and cry" and release that which they have held onto "forever". To be gifted with the ability access and transmit LightBody Energy and have others immediately feel lighter, walk taller, to have grounding & clarity like never before. And to connect them with their own soul to see the beauty they posses and to not have fear of all of those things that didn't make sense, that they suppressed due to blame/shame/fear/guilt and their own self-judgment that has kept them prisoner to the stories of their own reality.
To connect daily with you here and those souls I cross paths with in the person, who I have called to me to assist during this time... THAT is why we do this...
So for every one in a dark place, feeling lost and separated and not knowing where to turn. YOUR soul will not fail you, as it's purpose is to guide you in every moment, provide you with every opportunity to bring in more light and grow beyond that which your logical mind can comprehend. Ask for guidance in every moment, as for grace & ease, ask for signs of what to do next and then watch, listen, pay attention. Do this in every moment and trust that which you feel WITHIN. That which you will possess is in there trying to expand and "get out". That which no longer serves you is trying to leave. The light of your soul fires off energies to activate them. Do not fear that which you feel, as it is for you to bring in more light. Know that if you trust in your heart, follow your higher heart and observe your own mind for the purpose of transforming all low-vibrations to ones of high-vibration, that you too can expedite your own journey through love, kindness and peace within. And that you too will be helping many others along the way.
So for me, THIS is why I do this. This is why I chose everything to endure. This is why I assist others in understanding that which makes no sense. And this is why I spend every moment AS MY OWN SOUL assisting others to bring theirs forth for connection, transformation and integration. It is part of my purpose here. To ignite and activate all souls that I touch with light.
So, THANK YOU. I love you and honor your own spirit/soul in every moment and your choice to embrace it by by listening to your heart, allowing yourself to let go of all that is ready, and opening up to receive that which exists beyond the logic of the physical realms. ♥ ♥ ♥